Close F.R.I.E.N.D.S (Short-short exercise)

“I think I’m Phoebe”, Sydney said, interrupting the silence we had while watching Friends (a nightly ritual we’d started in college).

“How do you figure? If anything, you’re Rachel.” Dana said, “I’m Phoebe.”

“Is that your way of saying I’m the pretty one?”

I laughed. “Not a chance. She’s saying you’re Rachel because you’re spoiled and selfish.”

“I disagree”, she said from her seat on the couch. Dana and I were always forced to share the loveseat so she could stretch out. “At least Rachel is pretty. You’re Ross, Kira”

“Hardly,” Dana said in my defense. If anything she’s Monica. ‘A place for everything and everything in it’s place.” Okay, so maybe she wasn’t coming to my defense.”

“That is true. I say she’s like Ross because she’s always in love.”

“I do not.” Since Dana was being of no help I guess I would defend myself.”

“You do, Kira. You don’t just date, you’re over the moon by date 3. If you could afford it, you probably would have been married three times by now.”

“When have I ever claimed to have loved anyone enough to get married? I bet you can’t name three.”

“Ace Braxton.”

“Chris Jefferson”

“Daniel Henderson”

“Okay. You got me there. But technically, I only brought up marrying Ace because he brought it up.

“He asked if you liked Bridezilla. Where did you dig an open proposal out of that?” Sydney said.

I rolled my eyes and hit the outsides of my fists together. The traditional Friends method of flipping someone off. “As far as the two of you are concerned, Dana, you’re Joey and Syd, you’re Chandler.”

“And you arrived at that conclusion how?” Dana said.

“Dana, when was the last time you had a real job?” I asked. “You just borrow money from which ever of us can afford to give it to you. You just float through life waiting for some big opportunity, which you know is not coming, to knock on your door and hopefully you’re not taking one of your many daily naps and miss it. Sydney, you’re Chandler because while you’re are somewhat funny and quick witted, the reality of it is, no one really likes you.” Silence. I looked back and forth between the two of them though neither of them ever said anything or returned there glances back to the TV. Okay, so maybe I had gone to far, but they were talking about my bad qualities like it was okay, but when I do the same, suddenly everyone wants to become sensitive. So in the spirit of friendship I guess I could offer up some kind of apology.

“I’m Pheobe.” Or maybe not.